5-12-2012

I drove 947 miles today. I’m exhausted but still awake. Lame.

I’m back in California, but I don’t know for how long. Hopefully for good, but it may just be long enough to see my friends; I guess time will tell. Monterey seems to be the city where I say goodbye. I said farewell to my teenage years here. I said goodbye to my old career and embarked upon a new one not far from where I’m typing this.

And I may have to say goodbye to this city and the friends who call it home once again.

I guess my writing style has a depressive tone, as I received eight e-mails asking after my well-being not two hours after I put up the last entry. So, I guess I should clarify a few things.

When I mention my difficulties in regards to being alone, I’m not speaking in a figurative sense. I don’t think I realized how many friends I truly had until after I opened up about the divorce. I was inundated with phone calls, e-mails, and letters almost immediately. To be honest, I never felt so loved and cared for in my life. When I speak about learning to be alone, I mean it literally. For almost 13 of the last 15 years, I’ve been with someone almost every day. Like I mentioned before, I find myself bathed in silence most of the day; I’m still getting used to it.

As for the tone of my entries (“It made me want to cut my wrists a little”, as a close friend put it), I don’t mean to come off like a low-rent version of Hubert Selby, Jr. This is a place for me to take the thoughts out of my head and try to examine them objectively. If I spend too much time letting my thoughts simmer, I’ll forget the recipe for sanity. This journal gives me the opportunity to vent and, more importantly, to let things go.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…

Dammit. Now that I finally started to get a rhythm going, the melatonin is kicking in. I suppose it’s time for bed. More later; I promise.

-Jack